Me: Hello?
Mom: Abby! You HAVE to see this BEAUTIFUL car we rented! It’s a Crown Vic. We are riding in style girl! The scenery is so beautiful here! And the Crown Vic has leather, and lots of cup holders, GPS…
Me: So I take it you arrived safely?
Mom: And it has the climate control too! Such a nice car. Crown VIC.
Me: Okay, have fun mom! I gotta go! Love you!
Mom: Oh, Abby, I wanted to ask you something…ummm..what was it I was gonna ask you?
Me: I don't know, mom.
Dad: (barely audible in the background) Joji, get off that phone and tell me where the next turn is on that map there!
Mom: Charles! Just listen to the GPS
Dad: I can’t understand what that thing is talking about! Just look at the map!
disconnected
So anyway...back to the coffee conversation. I asked my dad how his trip went and he began describing basically the parts that were important to him.
Dad: Your mom must’ve ate lobster for every single meal. She can EAT some lobster. She put them things away like they was crawfish. We was at this one restaurant where they had them 1.5 pound lobsters. An your momma tells the waiter, ‘Ooooooo the lobster is only $12?! I’ll have TWO!’ They looked at her like she had T-total lost her mind, ya know. Cuz normally people only eat one.
Me: Yeah I know. So besides eating lobster, what all did you guys do?
Dad: Well, your momma wanted to stay at one of them bread and breakfasts.
Me: I’m pretty sure it’s called a BED and breakfast, Dad.
Dad: Well, whatever it is, them things ain’t nice at all. First of all, they have these narrow, steep old staircases. An’ you have to haul ALL your luggage to the 3rd floor. But worse than that, they only got ONE BATHROOM for three guest rooms. You have to knock on the door to make sure nobody is in there. An’ lemme tell ya, you can FORGET going to the bathroom in your underwear in the middle of the night. You have to get fully dressed just to take a piss in the middle of the night! Now that’s just ridiculous! I wouldn’t stay in one uh them bread and breakfasts again for all the tea in china. They’re for suckers.
Me: Is that it?
Dad: Yeah, pretty much. We mostly just drove around lookin’ for more lobster.
Yeah, my parents will not be writing for travel book companies any time soon.
