A memoir of musings, allegories and adventures covering my inspired life...


Friday, July 31, 2009

Things I learned in San Francisco

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The opinions and views expressed herein are those observed by myself and others in my party during our recent vacation in San Francisco, California, and are NOT to be considered applicable to ALL situations, nor are they to be considered fact in every situation to which they are applicable. The following statements are not to be perceived an official representation of the City of San Francisco and\or it’s residents. I retain the right to be held harmless by all potential readers for the effect, or lack thereof, which reading the following information may have on the reader. If you don’t agree with me, fine. If you have a problem with what you read, I don’t care. Enjoy!


1) Seagulls have a severe lack of respect for one’s personal space.

2)It is acceptable to sit back and enjoy the fresh and fragrant foods served at a vegan cult restaurant; but don’t drink the “special tea” in case it is laced with drugs to weaken your resistance to recruiting advances.

3) Fresh air is intoxicating.

4) A roof made of grass need not be mowed, but maintained by hand instead.

5) Brown sand on the beach appears black in color when scattered about your apartment floors and bathtubs.

6) You’ve never really known “passive-aggressive” until you have encountered rush hour on a San Francisco freeway

7) Sausalito waitress uniforms consist of 3 inch Prada pumps, an A-line skirt and a lovely silk blouse topped off with a cashmere cardigan tied neatly around the shoulders. The average diner at the restaurant is some sort of tourist and is therefore dressed in an “I ♥ SF” t-shirt, khaki shorts and a good pair of comfortable walking shoes.

8) There are NO Capital One Bank branches within 75 miles of San Francisco

9) It’s is difficult to enjoy the spiritual view from the top of a mountain when you are sweating like a pig, suffering from leg cramps, hyperventilating from the climb and succumbing to a spontaneous attack of vertigo. Cop-a-squat for a while, get your bearings, catch your breath and it will all be worthwhile in the end.

10) Ginger is the No. 1 remedy for sea-sickness

11) Locals are more impressed with the wind-resistance factor of your North Face windbreaker than your new Fendi bag

12) Richmond and Richmond District are two VERY different places in the SF metro area…be sure you know your destination before getting off the next bus stop

13) There are no known restaurants that serve Rice-A-Roni in San Francisco

14) The famous “Painted Ladies” are not the most beautiful restored Victorian homes in SF, but possible run along the most severe incline, and probably only became famous due to their appearance on the intro of the famous 90’s tv show, Full House.

15) Incense is a great bathroom air freshener, as it does well in covering unpleasant odors.

16) A house boat does not look at all like a boat, rather a house that floats on the water.

17) It IS possible to live in a major city and still feel like you are a part of nature.

18) The Asians and Homosexuals are not polite and friendly in San Francisco as they are in Louisiana.

19) It IS possible to feel the love on a street called Haight.

20) Hippies are nice to all strangers and have no fear of authority whatsoever

21) Real art…AUTHENTIC art…is breathtaking!

22) Prius is not just a brand of car, it’s a particular type of attitude. That’s all I will say about that for fear of insulting those who may fall into that category. lol

23) Public transportation is more complicated than it seems

24) Burmese food is an EXPLOSION of amazing and exotic flavors, and should be enjoyed often.

25) The key to surviving a “tasting day” in Napa Valley is: wine, water, diet coke…wine, water, diet coke…

26) A walk in the park can easily turn into a 5 mile hike. (“It’s just over that hill, Brandon, I’m SURE of it!”)

27) SF Tap water tastes waaaaay better than any bottled water and is addictive.

28) Seals are NOT cute in large numbers, they are EXTREMELY loud, and the smell REALLY badly

29) Cable cars are a dangerous form of transportation if you are a “standing rider”. They do not inform you ahead of time that the drivers will take extreme downhill slopes in excess of 30 mph and when your car passes another, the opposite car’s standing riders will knock you OFF your car if both parties do not take special care in leaning inward toward their respective cars. They also make several VERY abrupt stops, so do not try to impress your friends by saying “Look!!! I can hold on with just one hand!!”

30) San Franciscans are WEATHER SPOILED!!!! They have NO idea what potential a bad weather day REALLY holds.

31) The No. 1 lessoned I learned during my stay in SF is that Alysson and Miah will make FANTASTIC parents one day! (Thanks for a GREAT time sis!!)